like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
