My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
