I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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