doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
