plz talk dirty to me
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize