Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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