His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
