Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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