Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
