that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
