Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
