Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
