so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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