I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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