i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
