just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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