1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
