Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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