4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
