he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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