last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Is her dick bigger than yours?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
