i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
