thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize