he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
