i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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