How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
