So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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