you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
