Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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