My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
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