atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
