I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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