I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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