I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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