Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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