JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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