What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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