I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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