he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
