We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
