you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
