Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
