i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
