2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
