True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
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