just come out here and I will go home with you...
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Randomize
