Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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