I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
