you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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