so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize