if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
My vagina is officially offended.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
