Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You are the jesus of drinking
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
