the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize