Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
