the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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