I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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