just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Watching her eat just hurts me
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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