Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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