so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
