I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
