Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
how do you play pong handcuffed?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
