This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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