defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
