We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
