i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
