I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
