It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
