I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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