Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Randomize
