OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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