I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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