dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
