I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
