i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
