just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
