as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize