I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
