Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
