im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
