peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
