god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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