4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
