Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
