I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
It's never too late to be topless.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
