So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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