He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
