there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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