Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Randomize
