Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
