Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
