yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
A bitchslap is in order.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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