Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
It's official drugs can't kill me
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
