Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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