She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
