i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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