Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Such a big mess for such a small penis
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
