I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize