When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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