wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
