Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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