I bet he comes in French.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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