ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
