I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
