that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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