i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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