god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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