I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
