sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
kristin has been a bad kristin
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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