Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
The uberlube is also flammable
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
