so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Ladies don't puke and tell
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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