who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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