My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
