I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
