her vagine was all disorganized.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
