im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize