I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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